The 7 Stages of Grief - Shock or Disbelief

There are between 5 and 7 stages of grief depending on which expert you talk to and personally I would lump a few of the different stages together and sometimes they are all interspersed as one. You will not go through each stage the same way every time. You will not necessarily go through all the stages every time and you might not even admit that you are in any one of the stages - ever!

Shock or Disbelief
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Guilt
Depression
Acceptance & Hope

Shock or Disbelief

I have lost count of the amount of times that I've been told someone has died and my response has been 'Oh my God! or No way, you're joking - I was only talking to them last week'. It's a normal response. Of course you know the person isn't joking, that would be a pretty sick joke, but it takes a few moments, seconds or sometimes even minutes for the news to sink in.

I remember very clearly the moment my sister and I found my brother and I looked at him and realised he was dead. There was no question about it, the colour of him made it quite clear he'd been dead for some hours, however if you add 'Denial' into the Shock and Disbelief stage then you will see why my first reaction was to go and get help. We didn't need someone else to help to revive him, we were both fully trained in CPR. In truth looking back, I wasn't getting help for him, but was making sure there was someone in the house to help us, but you don't realise that is what you are doing at the time.

In the case of my Mum when my brother died, it actually took days till the reality hit home. You can honestly think you have been having a nightmare and that at any moment you are going to wake up and realise that it was just a dream.

We've all seen the mother (even if just on telly) who sits and stares into the yonder, not able to function, talk or cry properly. That was my mum until she saw my brother 5 days after he died. Now this might shock you, but the relief of finally seeing him and getting confirmation by sight that her son was dead brought a smile to her face. Then she started to grieve.